That Non-Vegan Knows Why the Caged Bird Sings

Sometimes people ask me, "Ellie, would you date a non-vegan?"...My answer is, actually, yes. I thought I'd get more into the topic here-especially since there was a particular conversation I had recently that I'd really like to share with you all...

A lot of my veg friends want to date other vegans. It makes sense. Eating is a very social activity, and having a fellow veg significant other in your life makes it all easier. Also, a lot of my friends want someone who shares the same viewpoints as them, and they want to be with someone who is compassionate and kind.

I agree that eating together could be tricky, but it depends. I've been fortunate in that I've dated non-vegans who were not squirmish about eating vegan with me. They have been open to that kind of cuisine enough so that if we cooked together it would always be vegan, but when we ate out (unless it was at a vegan spot) it would be a free-for-all. It does NOT bother me if a guy eats meat near me. Some people are more sensitive to that stuff, but honestly, it hasn't been that long since I was a meat and cheese eater myself, and (although admittedly sometimes I feel a pang of sadness) I do not judge.

But enough about that! What I really want to touch on is the belief many people have that being vegan means you are more compassionate, kind, etc. Let me just jump in with my story...

A guy I dated mentioned to me that he loved birds. I don't remember exactly what he said, but it was something that gave me the impression that he wished he could have one as a pet. I remembered another friend who had a cockatiel, and told him about what good pets they make, how smart they are, etc. He looked at me a little startled for a moment, then said, " I have a vegetarian friend who has birds and I get so angry at her for having them."  He then proceeded, saying "When you ask someone what animal they'd like to be, most people say they'd like to be a bird. Why? Because they have this wonderful ability to fly. It's what they are born to do. My friend tries to tell me: 'Their cages are spacious!', but how does a large cage compare to that?!". He then pointed out the window. "My friend keeps getting birds and I get so angry at her!".

It was my turn to be startled. There I was, the vegan, being schooled by a non-vegan about compassion. And he was right! I was the one, in this case, who (as people in my community often say) "failed to make the connection".

As a side note: I want to mention, as my friend David pointed out, that buying a bird is quite different from adopting a bird. If a bird has already been "owned" and needs a home, it's a lesser evil, so to speak, than encouraging the capture of birds from their natural habitat by buying them.

What's that Keanu? You're not a vegan? Mmmmmm, I won't hold that against you!

Anyway, I just think that there are a lot of great, interesting, thoughtful guys (and gals!) out there, and they are not always vegan. I personally would like to keep myself open to engaging with them. Also, I want to point out that there are some vegans who go into veganism for what I think are the wrong reasons. It's not always about compassion. Sometimes it's about "purity", or self-righteousness. Some vegans are misanthropic, while others have a love for humanity that extends to all life. We have all kinds. Also, vegan or not, we do not always "make a connection" on all fronts. I know of a vegan who did not "make the connection" about horse carriages in NYC and talked about how much she enjoyed a ride she took. Meanwhile, when I volunteered with NYCLASS, I encountered some non-vegan tourists who were saddened and concerned about the horses they saw on the streets.

Now, I just want to be clear that I do NOT judge vegans who only want to date other vegans. Veganism is a wonderful way of life (as I tell people, it's one of the best things I've ever done), and it's natural for vegans to have an immense passion and enthusiasm for this movement and lifestyle, and want to share that with another person. Trust me, I get it! But for me that's not such a priority. Hey, as long as we do the best we can, it's all good. I mean, at least I hope the person I'd be with is trying the best they can!

Whew! So there it is. My two cents. And with that, I bid you adieu-for now!
Till next time.
xo,
Ellie